The many ways to torture and or kill Gendo Ikari
by Dragoon Galaxy
Summary: Just as the tile says. All Gendo haters and suggestions welcome. Now Complete
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Somehow I know everyone will enjoy reading this and if you have any idea please suggest them. Oh and I'm sorry if I've borrowed anything from other writers including gunman.**

The many ways to torture and/or kill Gendo Ikari.

1: Shove a stick of dynamite up his ass then light it.

2: Give him Viagra pills then have a calf suck him off.

3: Smash his nuts with a sledge hammer.

4: Get Ritsuko a proper boyfriend.

5: Have Unit 01 step on him.

6: Shinji kicking him in the nuts.

7: Shinji grabbing Misato's gun and shooting Gendo's nuts.

8: Ritsuko surgically removing his genitals without anaesthetic.

9: Have Unit 01 slice him in half with a prog knife.

10: Shave his head bald.

11: Shave his beard and moustache.

12: Setting his nuts on fire.

13: Freezing his nuts with liquid nitrogen then smashing them with a hammer.

14: Shooting him with a gatling gun.

15: Shooting him with a bazooka.

16: Feeding him to the sharks.

17: Branding his butt with the words "I can't please women".

18: Taking a picture of his tiny dick then posting it all over the world.

19: Use him like a piñata.

20: Bash him with a baseball bat (Metal and wood).

21: Use him as a dart board.

22: Raping him with an elephant.

**Disclaimer: I just have 2 questions to ask. 1: did everyone enjoy reading this and 2: am I cruel and vicious or just plain crazy?**

**Disclaimer: **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: This will start off at number 23 and I'd like to thank AnimeSniper for the suggestions so far.**

23: Getting stuck in an elevator and having the maintenance crew cut the cables.

24: Slipping on a conveniently place banana peel and falling down an escalator.

25: Having a liquid nitrogen enema.

26: Shoving a grenade up his butt.

27: Getting hit with a wrecking ball.

28: Getting hit by a truck in his limo.

29: Throw him into a volcano.

30: (A/N: Ok here's a really cruel one) Make him eat Misato's cooking.

31: Make him watch old guy gay porn.

32: Shave his head with a chainsaw.

33: Send him skydiving without a parachute.

34: Wax his head, beard, and balls.

35: Dunk him in liquid nitrogen, then shoot him.

36: Putting him in a batting cage without a bat or helmet or clothes.

37: Tie him to the Eva dunny used against the 5th angel.

38: Shove his head up and elephant's butt

39: Have an elephant sit on him.

40: Electrocute his nuts.

41: Lock him and Kensuke in a room for 24 hours after informing Kensuke that Gendo is the head of Nerv.

42: Yui kicking him in the balls after returning from Unit 01.

43: Playing golf with his nuts.

44: Paying a transvestite to sleep with him.

45: Watching Shinji having a fivesome with Rei, Asuka, Ritsuko and Misato while tied to a chair.

46: Strap him to a rocket and shoot him into space.

47: Throw him off a dam.

48: Shoot a torpedo up his ass.

49: Fire him out of a torpedo tube.

50: Push him off an aircraft carrier deck.

**Disclaimer: Ok I'm having trouble coming up with things to put down right now so I do need suggestions for this and thank you for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Some of these have been suggested by other authors so thank you for suggesting them.**

51: Strap him to a chair and force him to watch a Barney marathon.

52: Strap him to a chair and force him to watch a Tellitubbies marathon.

53: Strap him on an N2 mine and drop it on the next angel.

54: Gets crushed when Jet Alone malfunctions.

55: Tying him down and filling his pants with fire ants.

56: Have him subjected to Orochimaru/Kabuto's experiments.

57: Make him a practice dummy for fire jutsu, heal him, then use him for lightning jutsu practice.

58: Using him as a toilet.

59: Send him to a gay BDSM club.

60: Perform surgery on him without anaesthetic.

61: Dump him in the woods, rub some honey on his ass and blow a bear whistle.

62: Shove a rifle up his butt and pull the trigger.

63: Shove his head in a cannon then fire it.

64: Send him into the African wilderness naked and covered in blood.

65: Throw him into a polar bear enclosure naked and covered in fish guts.

66: Have him clean public toilets with his tongue.

(A/N: These next ones are from gunman's Omakes and he has given me permission to use them.)

**Shinji Odinson:**

"So, you have returned." Gendo Ikari said.

"Yes." Shinji said.

Gendo eyed the hammer in his hand.

"You will surrender that weapon for study and for NERV to use." Gendo declared.

"You're not worthy of it." Shinji stated.

"I will determine what is of worth. Including yourself! Now Let Me Have It!"

"Alright." Shinji said as he suddenly hurled the hammer at Gendo, which smashed into his face.

Everyone looked back at Shinji and just gasped in shock.

"Well... he said to let him have it." Shinji said with a shrug as the hammer flew back to his hand.

**Shinji The Pirate Lord:**

"The Fourteenth Angel has blasted through the armored layers. It's inside the Geofront!" Makoto shouted.

"Unit 00 is still inoperable!" Shigeru shouted.

"Asuka's arms have been sliced off! Cut the connection or she's dead!" Misato shouted.

"Jeez! Leave you people alone for just a minute and look what happens. Everything's gone to pot." Shinji stated as he stepped onto the bridge.

"Shinji! Thank God! We need you back something fierce!" Misato shouted.

"And you'll need Eva for that." Ritsuko stated.

"Why should I fight for any of you? Half of you pushed me into the pilot seat of that freaking thing, two of you tried to send me away, and one of you actually succeeded, in firing me!" he said, glaring at his father.

"Oh, fine!" Misato growled as she pulled her gun and shot Gendo in the head. "Now will you fight for us?" she asked as Gendo fell dead in his chair.

"Alright." Shinji said and then headed down to the cages.

**Shinji the Darkwind:**

Gendo's smile disappeared. "What?"

"I don't owe you anything, but if you want me to help you, I want something in return." Shinji said.

"You... want Rei?" he asked, his brow twitching.

"Think quickly, commander." he said mockingly. "I've got nothing to lose."

(The Angel is advancing. It'll be at the city-center in three minutes.) the female voice said again.

"The girl, for saving your lives!" Shinji said again.

Gendo grimaced as the base shook again.

"Done." the grim man said.

_Good, but let's play a little bit more._ "What was that?"

"I... agree!" he said through clenched teeth.

"I didn't quite..."

"You Can Have Rei If You Pilot!" Gendo practically shouted. "And You Had Better Win!"

"Alright." Shinji grinned. "Now say 'I'm a pathetic father and lousy at pleasing a woman'."

Gendo creased his brow. "I will..."

Shinji focused.

"I'm A Pathetic Father And Lousy At Pleasing A Woman!" Gendo shouted over the loudspeaker.

"Now dance like a monkey and sing 'I like to Move It'." Shinji said.

"I won't..."

Shinji focused again.

"I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it." Gendo said as he started hopping up and down like a monkey. "I like to... MOVE IT!" he said with a pelvic thrust.

_Oh yeah, this is going to be a lot of fun_. Shinji thought as he watched the monkey dance.

**Shinji X:**

His claws cut into numerous people, a count that Shinji couldn't keep if he even cared to. Screams and blood filled the room.

Shinji then saw two people standing in his path.

One a blond haired woman in a white lab coat. One a man with a brown beard and tinted glasses. He thought that they looked familiar.

The bearded man pushed the blond woman in front of him, towards Shinji himself.

_Bastard_! Ritsuko thought as she fell towards Shinji.

However, Shinji stared at the blond woman for a few seconds before he dove for her. He slashed and sliced at the blond woman, moving around her body with incredible speed and agility. Within a few seconds he stopped and moved back from the woman.

Ritsuko looked at her body and gasped, not seeing any cuts or slashes on her skin.

She quickly understood why as her clothes suddenly turned to shreds and fell off her body, leaving her in nothing but her panties.

"OH!" she gasped as she covered her breasts, her bra also in pieces.

"Shinji like!" the boy growled as he leaped forward, grabbing Ritsuko and tossing her over his shoulder before running out of the room.

Gendo wasn't sure he was lucky to be alive, or upset that his son had stolen Ritsuko. (Not that he really seemed to care)

**Rei Unleashed:**

"Why... did you... do that?" Gendo asked Rei as the agents and nurses started to leave.

"I am upset." Rei said as she struck a match on the small pack one of the agents had slipped her, tossed it at Gendo and set the man on fire.

"!" he shouted as he thrashed wildly on the floor, even landing on his hardened erection once or twice.

Rei walked out of the room and the doors closed. The instant they closed, Rei started grinning.

"The Gendo! The Gendo! The Gendo's On Fire! He don't need no water, let the mother#$& burn!" she said as she started doing the Cabbage-Patch and then the Snoopy-dance.

**Kisses In The Dark:**

Asuka running through the dark corridors of NERV. Even though she had a flashlight, she obviously didn't know where the hell she was going. She was going full tilt through the darkened hallways as she came to a corner, and a darkened figure around said corner.

The was Gendo.

"What?" Gendo cried out.

"Who are you?" Asuka cried as she flashed the flashlight at the intruder.

However, because of the commander's dark and grim appearance, casting a flashlight beam on him in a darkened corridor made him look truly horrific.

The figure lunged at her, trying to grab the flashlight. Thought Asuka thought it was her he was trying to grab for.

"AAAAAHHHHH! PERVERT-MONSTER!" Asuka shouted and just stared swinging.

Because Gendo was blinded by the flashlight he couldn't block Asuka's first swing, nor her second, nor her numerous others, until he was effectively dead.

Suddenly, the darkness was pierced by the returning lights.

"PERVERT!" _WACK_! "HENTAI!" _WHAP_! "MOLESTER!" _BAM_! "CREEP!" _POW_! "JERK!"

Suddenly she stopped when she finally noticed who she was beating.

"Uh-oh!" Asuka paled as she looked down at the lumpy form of the formerly alive commander.

**Drunken Rei:**

Rei pulled out Misato's gun and aimed it at Gendo.

"Rei! What are you.." Gendo started to say.

BANG!

However, because she was drunk, her aim was off.

"Ooooooh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, someone kill me now! Please!" Gendo whimpered as he writhed on the floor, holding his bleeding crotch.

"Oh, stop whining. This happens to women every month." the purple-haired major said as she retrieved her gun from Rei.

(A/N: These other ones are still from gunman but I don't remember which fan fics they come from.)

He glared at Shinji, cold and emotionless. A grim expression on his face. Of course he always looked like that. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Misato was worried that one of them would speak.

Before she knew it, Shinji's leg flew out, his foot striking Gendo's groin sharply.

"!" the older Ikari moaned like a little girl and collapsed to the ground, holding his crotch as the elevator doors closed and ascended to another floor in the complex.

Misato was just stunned as she looked at the boy.

"What? Like you didn't want to do that." Shinji smirked.

_I'm gonna like his kid_. Misato thought with a hidden smile. _Hmm, maybe I should have him move in with me._

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"Once this place was filled with life, now it's a Sea of the Dead." Gendo said as he walked out onto the deck of the aircraft carrier that held the Lance of Longinus wrapped up in tarps.

"Perfect place for you." Fuyutsuki said as he walked up to Gendo from behind and suddenly pushes him off the aircraft carrier and right into the ice cold ocean.

"I can't swim!" the grim commander shouted and he tried to tread water.

"What's he crying about? The ships propeller will get him long before he drowns." the older man grinned as he walked back inside to his warm cabin.

**Disclaimer: Well I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter despite the late update. If anyone has anymore suggestions please suggest them but I think this will be the last chapter for this fan fic. So thank you for reading and have a nice life.**


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